Usually, when I hear the term “love” I automatically think about red hearts, cupid, romance, and all that crap. But, that’s not what love is. To me, love is a caring concern for someone other than myself… an admiration of another… a respectful acknowledgement of personality and spirit… and these things can eXist absent of one another.
For eXample, I have family members who I don’t particularly admire, but they are family. I care about them. I am concerned about their well-being. I love them.
Contrastly, there is a young lady who I met recently at an event. Over the course of 6 hours, she went from being a complete stranger to being one of the most important people in my world. I love her to pieces as if we grew up in the same household and you can’t tell me that she isn’t my little sister.
I bet the most durable Tin Man wouldn’t pull away from a warm embrace. I bet he would realize that he still had a heart all along…
In these types of situations, saying, “I love you,” comes easily. And for friends or associates who you think may take it the wrong way or you just don’t know how comfortable you would feel saying it to them, you can personalize the phrase. A male friend and I tend to eXchange, “I appreciate you,” while I told a closer male friend, “I love you, yo,” to not give off that “girly” vibe.
I wish that I could say that it’s easier to eXhibit affection to someone of the same gender, but that’s not true. I cringe to think of giving a female associate a 3-seconds too long hug just as I hesitate to say those 3 words to a certain male friend. Affection is a personal thing and, as affectionate of a person I consider myself to be, whenever a friend, male or female, kisses me on the cheek I’m shocked! Why? Because, like actual birthday cards and hand-written letters, kisses aren’t so numerously given out like they used to be. So, when I get bestowed with the occasional peck, it feels like I won a special prize. Geeky? Yes. Makes me want to start giving out kisses so others can feel what I’m feeling? Yeeesss!
Why not? Why shouldn’t we actually put our arms all the way around a person and squeeze for 3 seconds too long? Why shouldn’t we supplement with a cheek peck if we’re only going to embrace for one second? Why shouldn’t we tell someone eXactly how we feel instead of assuming, “Oh, she knows?” Why can’t we just say, “I love you”?
I remember when I was younger, I would never get off the phone with a family member without saying it. I loved hearing my dad say it first until I decided to start beating him to it. With my mom being on the other side of the country, I am sure to include, “I miss you.” And with my older sister, who once made me cry when she told me I couldn’t kiss her if I wasn’t her boyfriend, I got older and started giving her squeeze-faced, eXtra long, eXtra loud “mwah!” kisses on the cheek. [Remember that, Becky?] My affection for them has been personalized.
I recognize that I need casual and, sometimes, slightly deeper displays of affection just as much as I desire to give them. And why shouldn’t I? Isn’t the human eXperience based upon connection? Aren’t we supposed to feel and think and speak and love? So, why the hesitancy? Why the fear? Why the walls?
I bet the most durable Tin Man wouldn’t pull away from a warm embrace. I bet he would realize that he still had a heart all along…
***The Stigma: “It Shouldn’t Be So Hard To Say, ‘I Love You’
Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor
as published in eXcape the matriX magazine
www.eXcapethematriX.com
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